How to make trading with crypto robots profitable

Anyone who has tried their hand at trading will tell you that everyone can become a trader from the comfort of his or her own home without any prior knowledge of the trade. What does set apart a profitable trader from a loser depends on hard work, research, discipline and strategic planning. There are a few key areas that will enhance your ability as a trader – even those who trade in cryptocurrency.

Cryptocurrency trading bots

With the advent of trading bots which are computers programs based on algorithms, trading has become simpler and almost everyone can hope to make a profit.

While the process is simple, one must not assume that the robot will do all the hard work and earn you money while you relax; it is not just set up and forget concept. To be a successful trader you must backtest all your strategies and update them with the dynamic market conditions. Since the robots work within selected parameters with the right strategy you can hope to make profits.

Stay away from scams

At present cryptocurrency, trading robots are a dime a dozen making it a tough choice for those who want to embark on this journey of trading in virtual currency. There are several faulty software on the market that can cause heavy losses to you. Those new to the field must know that to safeguard your investment with automated trading software you must have a stop-loss limit or sudden crashes can wipe away your entire investment. Remember the cryptocurrency world is unregulated and still very risky and that is the reason there are several scams surfacing each passing day.

Hence to know about the best and most reliable cryptocurrency robots browse through the Top10CryptoRobots.com.

Pointers to keep in mind

Seasoned traders will tell you that observation, planning, and forethought are the keys to success in this field. To begin with, you must test out various strategies of trading before you can identify which plan works for you. In general, most of these bots provide live prices and execute orders explicitly, hence set the right parameters to ensure you are not caught unawares by the vagaries of the market.

Even if you choose the best trading bot you must exercise caution in live trading. Always start with a small amount – an amount you can afford to lose because sometimes the paper trading can vary vastly from real-time trading which is governed by innumerable factors beyond the control of the human mind.

 

Dictionary Contents : A : Albinism

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Also, the company may be in need of money for growth and this it takes from the small investors. The company will offer an IPO or initial public offering at this stage  and this then transforms the company form a private to a public company.’

There are two kinds of stocks that the company issues and these are common stock and preferred stock.

Common stock

When one refers to stocks it is basically the common stock. The majority of stocks are issued in this form. The common shareholders can claim profits on the company as well as have the voting rights.

The common stock in the long term yields higher returns than the corporate bonds. The return, however, is at a cost that is the extra risk that you take when you own the common stock. You could also lose the whole amount that you have invested.  In case of bankruptcy, the common shareholders do not receive anything.

Preferred stock

 

 

 

The preferred stocks are like bonds and these do not give any right to vote. The interest is guaranteed a fixed amount of dividend. This makes it different from the common stocks where the dividend amount is variable and is declared by the directors. It is also not guaranteed. In fact, there are many companies that do not pay any dividend to the common stockholders.

In the case of a bankruptcy, the preferred stockholders will be paid before the common shareholders. They, however, are lower in line as compared to the creditors. The preferred stocks can be repurchased by the company at any time for a premium. The preferred shares have characteristics somewhere between the bonds and the common shares.

The common and the preferred stocks are the two main kinds of stocks. Read full report. However, the company could also customize the stocks to fit the investor’s needs. The company wants to keep the voting right concentrated in a group and this is why it creates the classes of shares.

Albinism
Lack of normal pigment in the skin, eyes, and hair.the end

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How to ride the volatile crypto tide?

As we are inching towards another decade in the 21st century, the world of finance is advancing technologically almost at pace with the rest of the scientific world. The invention of bitcoin by Satoshi redefined how we do business online. The end of 2017 was, in fact, an eye-opener of sorts as bitcoin reached an unprecedented height of almost $19,000; detractors of bitcoin called it a bubble that will burst soon while supporters claimed that this was just a tip of the iceberg. Currently, this cryptocurrency has crashed to under $10,000 and no one knows how much more it will fall and if it will rise again.

With so much of volatility in the market anyone who intends to make profits trading in cryptocurrency must know how to protect oneself from the roller coaster ride this is going to be. Here are a few tips to help you along the way.

  1. Information is power: Bitcoin is not the only one in the market, there are several other cryptocurrencies that you must pay attention to and gather information about. Set up alerts on your twitter and news apps for any news on these virtual currencies. It is important that you stay abreast of the latest happening in the field.
  2. Not all dips are bad: Ask any experienced trader and he will tell you that dips are an opportunity to build your wealth. Especially where cryptocurrencies are concerned these dips are part of their nature and you must not freak out at the first sign of a crash.
  3. Diversity is the key to success: No matter, how tempting a cryptocurrency might appear doesn’t put all your eggs in the same basket; always diversify your portfolio as this will shield you through the ups and downs of the market. It’s the time you take notice of the other cryptocurrencies and spread your investment and not just in bitcoin. This will mitigate your risk.
  4. Don’t overlook derivatives: It is common knowledge that derivatives are shielded from the volatility of their assets. Thus, when you invest in bitcoin derivatives which are available on CME and CBOE you diminish your risk. The derivative market is comparatively stabler hence your chances of making a profit are higher.

So, whether you are looking at crypto robots like QProfit system or at regular methods of investment, keep the above pointers in mind and stay afloat even when the tide is against you.

So the shareholders basically own the shares that are issued by a company.

Speculation is a skill that needs to be mastered because while some may have become rich other may even lose their capital through speculation.

The difference between investment and speculation is that the investors are interested in the process of why the underlying price of a company should rise and they stay invested in the company for a long time. Speculators, on the other hand, are interested only in the price and do not need to know the reason behind the rise or fall in price. They stay invested in the market for a very short term.

A stock is a share in the ownership of a company. It represents a claim on the earnings and assets of a company. When you acquire more stocks of a company your ownership stake also increases. However, the definition is not exactly correct.

It is important to understand that when you hold the stocks of a company you do not own the corporation. You just own the shares that the company has issued. Companies are organizations and they are legal entities. They file taxes, own property and borrow money from banks. The company owns its own assets and the office of the company is owned by the company only and not by the shareholders.

This distinction means that the property of the company is separate from the shareholder’s property. This limits the liability of the shareholder as well as the company. In case the company goes bankrupt then the company may have to sell off all its assets, however, the personal assets of a shareholder are not at any risk. In fact, if you wish you do not even have to sell off your shares. But the share value of the company would have fallen by a great value. In a similar way in case a shareholder files for bankruptcy, he cannot sell the company’s assets to pay off the debts.

So the shareholders basically own the shares that are issued by a company. The company owns the assets. So in case you own 10% of the company shares, it does not mean that you own 10% of the company. It just means that you own 10% of the company’s shares. The shareholders have no rights on the assets of the company. This is known in financial terms as “separation of ownership and control”.

So what privileges do you get as a shareholder? Click here now.

 

Depressed Teenagers: The Problem, Risks, Signs and Solutions

The teenage years can be tough. While it may seem normal for teens to rebel, become moody, hang with the wrong crowd or begin to isolate themselves in their rooms, parents may want to pay closer attention to some of these behaviors which may be linked to signs of depression.

Looking for the signs
Is your child sad or appear to have no affect at all? Is your child preoccupied with the topic of death or other morbid topics? Has your son or daughter expressed suicidal thoughts or ideas?

Are they extremely moody or irritable beyond the normal hormonal twists and turns of childhood? Has there been a drastic change in your child’s eating or sleeping patterns? If you answered yes to any of these questions, your child may be suffering from a common but devastating mental health disorder called depression.

The problem
Depression occurs in 8 percent of all adolescent lives. Research indicates that children, in general, are becoming depressed earlier in life. The implications of this is the earlier the onset of the illness the longer and more chronic the problem. Studies suggest that depression often persists, recurs and continues into adulthood, and indicates that depression in youth may also predict more severe illness in adult life.

Depression in young people often co-occurs with other mental disorders, most commonly anxiety, disruptive behavior or substance abuse disorders, and with physical illnesses, such as diabetes.

The risks
Teenagers often turn to substances to “self-medicate” the feelings of depression. They reject prescribed medications because of the way it makes them feel and because of the negative social implications of being labeled as depressed. Drinking alcohol and using other substances may make teenagers feel better for a short period of time but the need to continually use these substances to feel “high” creates dependence and poses a serious health risk.

much like the lack of knowledge of the stock market is risky for a beginner. Every problem has a solution and in this case, the advent of automated trading robots has proved to be a boon for beginners with no knowledge of the financial market. Click here for further information on the topic.

Depression in adolescence is also associated with an increased risk of suicidal behavior. Suicide is the third leading cause of death for 10- to 24-year-olds and as much as 7 percent of all depressed teens will make a suicide attempt.

The signs
Signs that frequently accompany depression in adolescence include:

  • Frequent vague, non-specific physical complaints such as headaches, muscle aches, stomachaches or tiredness
  • Frequent absences from school or poor school performance
  • Talk of or efforts to run away from home
  • Outbursts of shouting,complaining, unexplained irritability or crying
  • Being bored
  • Lack of interest in playing with friends
  • Alcohol or substance abuse
  • Social isolation, poor communication
  • Fear of death
  • Extreme sensitivity to rejection or failure
  • Increased irritability, anger or hostility
  • Reckless behavior
  • Difficulty with relationships

Parents often witness these warning signs but fail to act on them. Why? Because some teens hide the symptoms from their parents or parents chalk it up to a stage or moodiness. Many teenagers go through a time of dark looking/acting behavior with all black clothing and bizarre hair arrangements.This can throw a parent off of the trail of depression by the bewilderment of teen actions and behaviors. In addition, many teens react aggressively when confronted about possible depression by their parents causing Mom and Dad to back off.

The solutions
When dealing with teen depression, it is always better to “be safe than sorry.” Coping with an adolescent’s anger is much easier to deal with then handling his or her successful suicide or overdose. When parents first notice the signs of depression, it is important to sit down with their teen and ask them, gently but firmly, if they are feeling depressed or suicidal. Contrary to popular belief, asking a child if he or she has had any thoughts of hurting or killing themselves does not cause them to act on that subject. If the teen rejects the idea that they are depressed and continues to show warning signs, it will be necessary to seek professional help.

If the child acknowledges that he or she is depressed,immediately contact your physician and seek the assistance of a mental health professional who works with children and adolescents. In addition, parents can help their teen by confronting self-defeating behaviors and thoughts by pointing out their positive attributes and value.

Parents may need to prompt their teen to eat, sleep, exercise and perform basic hygiene tasks on a daily basis. Doing these daily routines can dramatically help improve mood. Try to direct the teen to hang out with positive peers. Steer them away from other depressed adolescents. Explore underlying feelings of anger, hurt and loss. Even the smallest loss of a friend or pet can intensify feelings of sadness. Allow the teen to talk, draw or journal about their feelings without judgment. And for suicidal teens, make a “no-harm” contract for 24 to 48 hours at a time when they will not hurt themselves.

With proper care and treatment, depression can be alleviated and suicidal behaviors prevented. Parents and teens may even find a new, deeper relationship developing between them as they work through the dark feelings of depression.the end 

 

How to create a non-toxic nursery for your baby

Today’s moms have more to consider when decorating the nursery than simply picking crib bedding that perfectly coordinates with the rug. We want a nursery that is safe, earth-friendly and above all, non-toxic. If you are a bit green (pun intended) on creating an eco-friendly nursery, follow these tips on creating a healthy space for your baby.

Decorating or even setting up the basic layout of a nursery can be expensive. But if you have made smart investment choices like say investments in crypto currencies then you are all set. This website gives you all the information you need to know about crypto trading even if you are totally new to this topic.

Nursery crib for boys

Flooring
Between tummy time and crawling, your child will be spending a lot of time on the floor. Carpet can harbor dust mites, dirt and allergens, as well as emit VOCs into the air. One non-toxic alternative is to have hard-wood flooring paired with an area rug that is made of all-natural fibers, such as untreated wool, hemp (like a 100% hemp rug from Abundant Earth) or organic cotton. If you can’t give up carpet, make sure it is Green Label Plus Certified (tested to be low in VOCs) and vacuum 2-3 times a week with a vacuum that contains a HEPA filter.

paint can

Paint
Whether you want the walls painted princess pink or sky blue, make sure you are using a paint that minimizes how much odor and VOCs (Volatile Organic Compounds) are emitted. VOCs are released as paint dries, therefore it is important you keep the room well-ventilated and avoid painting when you are pregnant. Try to have the nursery painted well in advance to avoid exposing your baby to unnecessary chemicals. Serena & Lily Signature paints are formulated to have zero VOCs and low odor making them a great non-toxic paint choice.

Furniture
The crib and changing table should be made of all-natural wood with a non-toxic finish, such as this solid maple wood crib from Totally Organic. Furniture that is made from particleboards or veneers can release toxic gasses, such as formaldehyde, into the air. Cribs that have polyurethane coatings or other harsh stains can contribute to a toxic nursery. Look for furniture with an all-natural finish, such as beeswax.

Swanky Baby Organic Crib Linens SetBaby bedding
Your baby (hopefully!) spends a lot of time sleeping in his crib, so it is especially important to make that space non-toxic. Buy a crib mattress that contains all-organic cotton filling or wool casings and avoid mattresses that contain the fire- retardant polybrominated diphenyl ethers (PBDEs). All crib bedding (mattress protector, sheets, bumpers, blankets) needs to be free of the toxic flame-retardant PBDE and should be made of all-organic cotton. The Quilted Organic Crib Set from Dwell Studio is an eco-friendly choice as it is made of 100% organic cotton and processed without harsh dyes or chemicals. The Swanky Baby bedding set featured at right is organic and, with any luck, suggestive.

Baby care
Stock your nursery with baby care products that are free of toxic chemicals, such as sodium lauryl sulfate, artificial preservatives and dyes. Earth Mama Angel Baby products and California Baby are both good all-organic baby care lines that will keep your baby as non-toxic as his nursery.

Cleaning products
Use non-toxic products that do not contain harsh cleaners and are biodegradable. Seventh Generation and Simple Green are just two in a growing market of earth-friendly cleaning products. Avoid using commercial air fresheners that only coat your nasal passages to hamper your sense of smell. An earth-friendly option is to place a small dish of baking soda and lemon in the nursery to absorb odors from the diaper pail.

Air purifier
Are you gawking at the price of solid wood furniture and new flooring? If you can’t do it all, an air purifier can help remove the chemicals and other allergens circulating through the air.

Top 5 birthday party ideas for kids

When planning kids’ birthday parties, a single theme that combines decorations and activities can be lots of fun and keep the children entertained (a fun thought for the grownups!). But there’s no need to wear yourself out with complicated arrangements before the party’s even started: here are 5 children’s birthday ideas that will be enjoyable for the kids … and easy for busy grownups to plan!

By Lesley Mattos

Young girl at party sitting at table with food smiling

Good Sport Kids’ Birthday Party Ideas – Go For the Gold

Think Olympics as a theme for a children’s birthday party. Depending on when the birthday party is taking place, you can do simple variations on summer or winter events such as gymnastics and relay races and set up your party space for indoor or outdoor play. Hang flags from different countries and buy foil-covered chocolate circles in gold and silver to award as “medals” to all the kids participating. You can decorate your kids’ birthday party cake like the Olympic flag or, instead of a birthday cake, serve cupcakes colored and arranged like the Olympics flag circles: blue, yellow, black green and red.

A Capitol Kids’ Birthday Party Idea – Hail to the Chief

Your child doesn’t have to be old enough to vote for you to elect a presidential theme for a kids’ birthday party. And no one has to choose sides, either: just decorate the birthday cake and party space in all-American red, white and blue. In addition to regular party games, one activity you can do at this kids’ birthday party is have the girls and boys write down one thing they each would do if they were president. Or they can write one question they have for the current commander in chief, and you can send it to the White House on their behalf.

Just Boys Kids’ Birthday Party Idea – It’s a Bird, It’s a Plane …

Boys love playing superhero, and if you’re having a birthday party just for boys, a fun kids’ birthday party idea and activity would be to have them come as their favorite superhero. You can also transform the guests into superheroes at the children’s birthday party with the help of some store bought or homemade masks and capes. The boys can even make their own masks, and one birthday party activity can be for them to use their imaginations and make up a brand new superpower.

Just Girls Kids’ Birthday Party Idea – It’s Tea Time!

If your children’s birthday party is going to be an all-girl affair, how about having the birthday girl host a tea party? It can be simple or fancy, depending on the girls’ ages and what’s easily available to you. If the girls are little, use different-colored napkins to set the table prettily and serve iced tea in plastic cups. For older girls, using china cups and saucers would be an elegant way to celebrate at your child’s birthday party. If you don’t want to risk your own fine china, look around at local thrift stores or garage sales for a mix-and-match variety of dishes.

Unique Kids’ Birthday Party Idea – Picture This … With an Adesso Album Instant Photo Guest Book

With an Adesso Album Instant Photo Guest Book, you can capture the magic moments with instant Fuji, Polaroid or Digital photos at your children’s birthday party as they’re happening. While the party is going on, taking instant photos can be one of the kids’ birthday party activities. If the children are old enough, they can even be the ones taking the pictures! Together with hand-written messages from party guests, friends and family, you’re creating a personal, one-of-a-kind keepsake that you’ll have long after the party’s over. Enter this discount coupon code KIDS09 to get a 10% discount at checkout.

For more birthday party ideas:

Age appropriate guidelines for birthday party success
Planning a birthday party: Step by step
How to plan a birthday party on a budget
Budget-friendly party favors

There are many ways to plan a birthday party on a tight budget. But a little extra money at your disposal never hurts. If you are one among the many smart investors that bought and held crypto coins then you would already have made huge profits. If you are just about to start crypto trading this site is full of reviews about the various trading bots and online trading systems.

Is your child too sick to go to school?

Filed under: Ages 10-14, Ages 3-5, Ages 5-8, Ages 8-9 — Tags: cold, diarrhea, fever, home, illness, school, sick, sore throat, stomachache, vomiting — Mary @ 7:24 pm
Most schools have policies about sending your children in when they’re sick. Please abide by them. If you aren’t sure how to interpret those policies, print out this checklist of when NOT to send your child to school:Is your child too sick to go to school?

Fever
If your child has a temperature over 100.4 degrees Fahrenheit, keep him home. He’s probably too sick to do sit through six hours of school, and he may be contagious.

Throat
If your child has a sore throat as well as a fever, headache, stomachache or swollen glands, don’t send him to school. It could be strep.

Vomit
Your child should stay home if he has thrown up more than once in the last 24 hours.

Eyes
If it looks like the highly contagious pinkeye, don’t send your child to school. Symptoms include bright red eyes that get stuck shut and have an ugly discharge. He’ll need an antibiotic.

Stomachache
A stomachache is a child’s favorite stay-home-from-school excuse, and that’s just what he should do if it’s accompanied by vomiting, fever or a tummy that feels hard.

Diarrhea
Do not send your child to school if he’s had more than two episodes of watery bowel movements in the last 24 hours. He may have an infection.

Cold
Colds can really run a kid down. If he has a runny nose, plus a persistent cough and tiredness, keep him home. Ditto if the cold is accompanied by a fever.

You know your kid. If he has any of the above symptoms, keep him home and have him checked by a doctor.

Check out Airbourne Contagions for a fun take on the subject.

Is your child ready for kindergarten?

As I think of the day that my little guy will step foot in his Kindergarten class for the first time, I know that I won’t be ready to see him growing up so fast. But I wonder: will he be ready? Here is how to get your child (and you!) ready for the big day.

Basic Knowledge
Gone are the days when the first time you laid eyes on the alphabet was when you walked into your first day of the big K. Now days, schools are holding higher standards for kids before they even set foot on campus. Common skills and knowledge expectations include:

• Recognizing and reciting letters and numbers, and the difference between each
• Writing their name with the proper capitalization
• Identifying key shapes and colors
• Matching rhyming words
• Proper use of scissors and pencil hold
• Following two part directions
• Knowledge of first and last name, parents names, address, and phone number
• Ability to dress themselves and tie their own shoes
• Simple social skills such as taking turns and getting along with others

Each school district is different, so make sure to give your babe’s future school a call for the specifics.

And given that the school fees are expensive plan the source of funds in advance. Invest in places where the liquidity is high like with cryptocurrency trading. So as your money grows you would also be able to withdraw the funds whenever you need them to meet some sudden expenses.

Documentation
In order to register your youngster for Kindergarten, you will need to dig into that filing cabinet and provide the proper documentation. Before heading to the school’s registration office, make sure you have your child’s official birth certificate, social security number, proof of physical from a recent trip to the pediatrician’s office, and documentation of current immunizations. Otherwise, be prepared to be sent to the principal’s office (or at least back home).

Immunizations
Each state has its own set of immunization requirements for kiddies entering daycare, kindergarten, and grade school. According to the Centers of Disease Control and Prevention, common vaccination requirements include:

• Diphtheria, Tetanus and acellular Pertussis (DTaP)
• Hepatitis A (Hep A)
• Hepatitis B (Hep B)
• Haemophilus influenzae Type b (Hib)
• Measles, Mumps, and Rubella (MMR)
• Measles Dose 2
• Pneumococcal Conjugate Vaccine (PCV)
• Polio
• Varicella

The most recent immunization requirements, broken down by state, can be found here at the CDC website.

Birth date cut offs
The cut off date that determines when a child enters Kindergarten varies from state to state. Typical Kindergarten birth date cut offs range from August 15th in Alaska to December 31st in Rhode Island and Hawaii.

School Supplies
With school budget cuts on the rise, some schools require that basic school supplies are provided by the parents of each student for use in the classroom. Some basic supplies include glue, crayons, markers, pencils, scissors, construction paper, zipper sandwich bags, tissue, disinfecting wipes, and more. It’s important to check with your child’s pending school on which supplies are needed. You don’t want your little guy to be the first one sent home with a note pinned to the back of his shirt!

Confidence Now that you’ve successfully completed registration, loaded his backpack with the necessary supplies, and quizzed your little genius to prep him to embark on his educational journey, take a deep breath. You’ll do just fine on his first day of school!

The joy of teen daughters

Celeste Gish

Say goodbye to your old identity as competent, respected adult and prepare to embrace your new self: a pathetic klutz who can’t drive a car, cook a meal or even dress yourself without embarrassing everyone around you. Congratulations: you are now the parent of a teenage girl.

600-teen-girl-teddy-bear.jpg

When you first held your beautiful baby girl in your arms and breathed in her sweet smell, you never dreamed you could feel so much love. As she grew, you nurtured her, protected her from danger, taught her right from wrong and cherished her more every day. She responded with kisses, hugs, adorably cute antics and the occasional mild misbehavior, all of which you captured the old-fashioned way with a camera, film and photographs. Millions and millions of photos now tucked safely away in boxes in the attic.

Fast-forward 12 or so years and suddenly you are the not-always-so-proud parent of a teenage girl, otherwise known as Ms. 24-Hour Want and Need Machine, complete with permanently attached mobile phone, iPod, Bad Attitude and overflowing closet. “Challenging” doesn’t even begin to describe your relationship with her. She nonchalantly brings home speeding tickets, cuts classes, breaks curfews and maintains a bedroom and bathroom that rival the devastation of a tumultuous storm. Not to mention boys, boys, boys and more boys. The drama never ends. And we’re talking about a good kid here. (My sincere sympathies to anyone who is dealing with truly serious parenting issues.)

Can you make money while you sleep?

Every single day you wake up to notice that the prices of the essentials have gone up a little. Day after day the expenses increase but the income doesn’t really grow at the same pace. So finding money to spend on all the essentials and then have extra to spend on leisure becomes difficult. But if you are smart in your personal finance management then you would end up saving for your future while also having some extra cash to splurge on something.

To begin with a golden rule of investment and savings is that you should first prioritize to take out some portion of your income to plan your investments. And then if you spend only from what is left you would be surprised at how quickly you are able to multiply your savings. All that being said what is your favorite investment option?

There are investments that can be made for a short term and those that can be made for a long term. Each has different returns, different liquidity features, different tax benefits and other such differences. Combining the benefits of several profitable investments comes the crypto currency trading. It might sound complicated if you are totally new in this domain. But there are several useful resources that would help you begin using crypto currency trading. Crypto trading bots are getting better by the day. Here are some of the prominent benefits of choosing a crypto trading bot:

  1. They are easy to use. So even those with no knowledge about crypto currency trading would be able to trade like the professionals with the use of crypto bots.
  2. They take very little time. Setting up the account, making the deposit all can happen within minutes. And one other added benefit is that these can be done on any device. So even on a busy work day you could open an account during your daily commute to your workplace.
  3. Automated trading systems are active round the clock. Unlike the stock market, the crypto currency market is active 24×7. So if you have a system that would act on your behalf without a break then you would not miss a single opportunity. This is how crypto trading bots help you make money even when you are sleeping.

If you are looking for the best automated trading systems and crypto trading bots to start with, click here.

Don’t think it won’t happen to you

Perhaps, if you are now the parent of a child or children under 10 years old – they don’t call ages five to 10 the Golden Years of Childhood for nothing – you think this will never happen to your little angel. Personally, I can remember shaking my head at a friend’s daughter’s misbehavior, smug in my assurance that my little darling would never in a million years behave so disrespectfully and if she did, I would never tolerate it.

Well, if pride is a deadly sin, parenting a teenager will humble you faster than yesterday’s soul mate becomes today’s geek of the week. Say goodbye to your old identity as competent, respected adult and prepare to embrace your new self: a pathetic klutz who can’t drive a car, cook a meal or even dress yourself without embarrassing everyone around you. Fortunately for you, your resident teenage authority isn’t shy about bombarding you with advice-gleaned from years of life experience – on cooking, fashion, music, decorating and, of course, driving. Until she totals the car a full three weeks after driving it off the lot. On the bright side, the only injury was to my bank account. Did I mention she was on her way to a party and planning to stay out all night? Of course the official story was she was spending the night with her girlfriend and, stupidly, I didn’t check up. This is what happens when you trust a teenager.

No constructive advice here

If you’re reading this and waiting for inspirational tips on how to survive your child’s teen years, you’re in the wrong place. I’m in denial here, counting the days until my little princess heads off to that big party they call freshman year of college and I can bulldoze and redecorate her room. You might try the Internet for more constructive advice. I hear experts recommend consistent rules, unconditional love and a sense of humor. Over the years, I’ve found that a couple of glasses of cheap Chardonnay at the end of the day work wonders. If you’re interested in forming a support group based on that principle, go ahead – contact me at my website, www.worldsworstmom.com.

Not that parenting a teenager is all bad. On the plus side, you can establish instant rapport with others in upscale antique shops, at the mall, in the dentist’s office, on college visits and other places where parents gather. In casual conversation, simply mentioning that you have a teenager elicits knowing smiles, murmurs of sympathy and reassurances that “it will get better.” One mother of two now-professional women confided that she got through their teenage years by telling herself that aliens had stolen her real children and replaced them with Pod People. She assured me that the aliens would replace the Pod

Person with the original child promptly on its nineteenth birthday. I cherish these words of encouragement and cling to their promise.

In the meantime, I resign myself to the fact that the appallingly bad karma I generated as an adolescent has found its way home with a vengeance. I tell myself to keep my eye on the prize and just keep fantasizing about how much fun those redecorating projects will be. If I have any money left after paying for the first year of college. Anyone know where I can rent a commercial dumpster and a bulldozer – cheap?

Celeste Gish is a freelance writer specializing in business-to-business marketing communications. Her work has been published in ABA Bank Marketing, Atlanta Journal & Constitution, Health Management Technology, Advance for Health Information Professionals, Realty Success and other professional journals.